The excitement at the time was unlike any other… the first Jason movie I would get to see in theaters! I remember it was early summer 2002, just about to get out of 10th grade. I remember first hearing about it cuz it was announced on the internet about 2 years before. It took me by surprise, because I thought Freddy vs Jason would be the next one released. It didn’t matter though. Jason in space? Shiiit, I GOTTA see this!
The movie previews alone, the hot babes with futuristic guns, and this goofy guy saying “It’s ok guys! He just wanted his machete back!”, I just knew I was going to love the shit out of this movie.
Right away, the story starts in a not-so-distant future where Jason is older and finally caught by the government. The lovely Lexa Doig plays Rowan, in charge of keeping Jason frozen. As we all know Jason is an odd work of science, he’s a zombie in many ways, yes, and his cells regenerating after being “killed” multiple times “cries out for more research”. Master director David Cronenberg makes a cameo appearance as a mad doctor that wants to keep Jason unfrozen. He comes to the Cryo-facility with a group of soldiers and bam! Right away, Jason is fucking everyone up. Unfortunately, pretty Rowan is left all by herself with Jason (after being stabbed by a machete) and they freeze together.
Something like 445 years later, a group of people open the abandoned Cryo-lab and we see they are all teenagers on a space field trip to study Earth. Hmm…
Jason and Rowan are taken aboard the spacecraft. We are introduced to the crew of young students, the soldiers on board, and the main crew. One of the guys put together an Android named KM, who’s also a hot babe. The pilot already is perving out at the thought of Rowan. It’s definitely still looking like a Jason movie, even at this part!
Rowan is thawed out, and we learn a few things from the professor. There’s an Earth 2 now, Earth is practically unlivable from all the pollution, aaaand Jason is getting thawed out too! He’s worth lots of money, so the teacher doesn’t want him killed, but wants him contained. Right away the horny teen scientists wake Jason right up.
There are some brutal deaths including a liquid nitrogen frozen face getting smashed. Beautiful, just beautiful.
The Professor is a total idiot while everyone is panicking. He gets the military crew headed by Brodski, whos a total badass, ready to take Jason down. One by one, all killed. I love it. Just like old times! Brodski actually does survive and comes back later.
The pilot eventually gets it, and they’re all pretty much fucked. One disaster after another. I won’t get spoil it too hard for you, but eventually this all leads up to Jason getting fucked up by KM.
In turn, the re-animation machine is shot to shit, and with Jason right by it, it re-animates him! He gets an upgrade – JASON 2.0 – like a Terminator times a million. There’s a very funny scene where they make a digital distraction of Camp Crystal Lake circa 1980 and these hot young babes say how much they love pre-marital sex. Sleeping bag deaths are too funny.
By the end, Jason falls through the atmosphere of Earth 2 and lands in a similar looking campground and lake. “Let’s check it out.” The Jason 2.0 hockey mask floats to the bottom… Leaves it very open for a sequel.
Why did I like this movie so much? Well it was 100% a fun time almost instantly from the beginning all the way up till the end. There are great kill scenes and quite a body count. There hot chicks in scantily-clad outfits even in the future. I love it.
I’ve heard so much bitching and complaining about this movie for how “bad” it is. I don’t see it. I’m too entertained by it. It was worth the wait. Shit, even Kane Hodder is Jason in it like old times!
So many cliche funny moments, like Jason waking up because people are getting laid and that guy laughing cuz Jason just wanted his machete back. I’m sorry, but this was a great Jason movie. Met all my expectations.
My only complaint, an unrealistic future, but who cares! If this really is the last true Friday the 13th movie, all I can say is it was a nice ending to it.
Jason’s still dangerous even when he’s frozen. When frozen Jason falls over he cuts the kid arm off!
Shanessa and the Professor’s twisted sex scene! Too great.
“We got a real problem here. A real goat fuck!” Funny line.